More Cliches and Why They Suck

I am guilty of cliches, like I said in Part I. I use some of these and sometimes; they can get the message across. But usually, there's a better, more powerful way to say exactly what you mean. We just get in the habit of saying the same old thing and it becomes ineffective.

• Sleepless Nights - This is a legitimate phrase that everyone says, including myself. But let's be honest here: you're almost always exaggerating. Exaggeration and hyperbole are great ways to be theatrical and dramatic sometimes, enhancing your point.. However, if you are telling the mother of a newborn baby that you've had "so many sleepless nights" since you started Chemistry class, you're not going to get much sympathy. I would use it sparingly.
  
• It's going to get better - This phrase sucks when used alone. As a dependent clause though, it can work a little better. If I say it at all, I use it in conjunction with something else: "It's going to get better; you are working on finding another job, you're taking great care of your family. You just need to spend some time by yourself right now." By itself though...not helpful.
  
• You've gotta run before you can walk - This is just illogical and ignorant. Of course you can't run before you walk. You can "hit the ground running", I suppose. So go with that cliche instead. I approve.
  
• Toe the line - Contrary to popular belief, it isn't "tow the line". Because that would make sense. Instead, toe the line means to conform and follow the rules. Be on your best behavior, basically. I think of someone tip-toeing next to a boundary, tempting the possibility of crossing it. In principle, towing the line is still a nice, trite phrase to use, but because of the confusion, I would just say something else all together.
  
• Different day, same ole shit - Different day, same ole cliche. This isn't clever or cool or edgy. For your information.
  
• You catch more flies with honey than vinegar - I would say you catch more flies with disgusting, rotting cheese but whatever. If the metaphor is supposed to be that the flies will literally get stuck in the honey though, that's not very analogous to being nice so that you get niceness in return.
 

• Straight from the horse's mouth - Well, who would believe anything a horse says?
  
• I trust them about as far as I can throw them - Obviously, you're saying that you can't physically throw a person, therefore, you don't trust the person at all. Am I to then conclude that you trust babies since you can physically lift and throw them?
  
• The exception that proves the rule - I have never liked this phrase and don't even understand how an exception can prove a rule. Seems like the very opposite to me. Even when there are exceptions, that's why they are called such--the rule applies to everything EXCEPT this one thing. It doesn't prove the rule though.
  
• It's not written in stone - Yeah, actually, nothing is anymore. At least not for official documenting purposes. I suppose this would be appropriate if you were working on the engraving of a monumental statue.
  
• You've got egg on your face - This is a lame way to say that you did something embarrassing or regretful. It's not descriptive or telling, and does a poor job of conveying the message. Also, I would love to have egg on my face because it's delicious.
  
• No bones about it - Literally, until today, I never knew the actual meaning of this phrase because I've always seen it as a play on words (with a skeleton at halloween or in a documentary about boneless people). Or maybe I have always assumed it's a play on words because it has never made sense to me. The meaning is to not hesitate or to be bold and clear about what you say or do (apparently). It's a stupid way to say that you're being forthright. No one says forthright anymore. Say that instead! That would be anti-cliche.
  
• The buck stops here - Well, what do you know: this phrase means that you are taking responsibility and not making any more excuses. Again, never knew the real meaning because people use it to be an intimidating, aggressive sentiment, like saying "I ain't takin' no more crap". In case you're wondering, it's derived from the term "pass the buck" (pass the blame) in poker and was made famous by President Truman. For sheer failure of usage and lack of clarity, I'm putting this on the list.
  
• Shoot the breeze - I say this, but it's dumb. I know, I know. It's a cool, idiomatic expression to mean "just hanging out". But really, think about it: pure dumbness. Honestly, I say it simply because it does sound cool--I think of two old men, sitting on the front porch, in their rockers, holding a glass of whiskey and reminiscing about the war.
  
  
• Shoot to Thrill - Sorry, AC/DC. This one isn't cool.
  
• It's what's on the inside that counts - Yeah, sure. Is that why you're working out so hard, watching your diet, buying really cute clothes, and wearing makeup?
  
• That's nothing to sneeze at - Am I to deduce from this that there are things worth sneezing about? In all fairness, sneeze is derived from the Old English word "fneosan", which means to sneeze or snort. Thus implying that the possible truer meaning is "nothing to snort at", which makes a little more sense. However, that's not what the phrase's wording is now, so I can't excuse it.


• I'm so hungry I could eat a horse - I have never been this hungry. I know, that's the beauty of hyperbole, but if you're going to exaggerate, how about not using a big, ole, nasty farm animal. How about a house? Thereby removing all doubt that you might be exaggerating.

The Will: All About Willpower

"People do not lack strength; they lack will." Victor Hugo

This essentially sums up the entire point I'm about to make. You may be emotionally toughened by life's harsh realities, by many-a trampled heart, by too-soon tragedies, but my friend, your mental fortitude to do or not do something severely lacks. In short, your will power sucks.




In general, the will to do something could be the same as wanting to do something. However, they are technically very different. You may want to have a cleaner house, you may want to stop smoking, you may want to start exercising, but you lack the motivation, the energy, the time. All excuses. What you really lack is the true fervor and inner zest to push yourself beyond the unpleasantness and mental blockades to actually do it. I even use "want" in a loose, slangish sense because I believe that you don't truly want to do any of these things. You feel like you need to; you feel obligated. You want it on some level, but you don't want it the way you want to sit down with a slice of pizza and watch TBS for two and a half hours or the way that you troll facebook until 2 AM.

It is a scientifically-proven fact that humans are lazy, complacent, and love to whine. When we fall into a rut or find ourselves in the all-too familiar patterns of every day existence, the real question, when faced with the possible reality that we must change, is this: do we REALLY want something or do we simply desire it or lust for it in some part of brains, much the way we desire to one day drive a Ferrari, but know we never will.

You understand the benefits of a clean house, of not smoking, of being in shape. You think these things all sound good and picture yourself having a better life because of it. However, you do not think you are in the "right place" in your life to make that change yet, i.e. you do not feel like putting in the effort to further think about it and motivate yourself to actually do it. You are too tired today. You have to think about it more and you'll do that later. You have to do x, y, z first. You are either afraid of change, a huge procrastinator, or just a big ole coward.

Not to judge; I say most of this in light-hearted jest. But the sentiment is still true to a degree, even non-maliciously. People do what they really do want to do, even if that means the bare minimum, mediocre, half-baked life of crap. This is not to say that you suck ass because you don't have a 6 figure job or because you didn't go to college. This is to say you are lame for saying you want to change when you clearly do not.

It starts with the true will to do something. You truly want to change. You are ready to invest the time and energy and mental fortitude into something. If you're not sure or you crumble under the pressure or you keep putting it off, you are too weak at the moment. But if you are fed up with your situation and passionately seek to change, at whatever cost, putting it as your top priority, then you really are ready for a change! But you have to want it on all levels of your subconscious and in all parts of that little brain--not just the unattainable dreams, put-it-off-until-later part.

I've done this a thousand times and I've been through both phases. For instance, I want to clean out the garage and go through my room, to clean out, organize, and get rid of crap. I want it eventually, but I know I'm not ready to. I don't complain about it everyday, whine about it on FB, or berate myself for putting it off. I simply don't want to do it right now, but I do want it. Going to school while trying to work 45 hours a week (or more), raise an infant, and get a decent amount of sleep at night is something I want more than anything. I have the will to do it. No matter what, I have made time for it. Whether or not I'm succeeding is a subjective analysis and should be considered separately, but still, the point is that I have the will to do it.

If you are at a similar place in life where you want to make changes, but you're not quite at that level, ask yourself why you're hesitant. Do you not want to invest the time? Do you not have the resources yet? If you figure out why you can't or don't want to do it at this exact time, figure out what the next step would be (getting a better or second job to save up more money, pay off some debt first, etc). Or you could entirely re-focus your priorities with things that you can accomplish right now--getting up at 6 instead of 8 to work out in the mornings, taking up a hobby or class to supplant your loneliness and boredom, writing in a journal to get in touch with your feelings because you're taking out your repressed bitterness on everyone.

 You don't have to do everything. You don't have to change the world or even change yourself. Nobody said you have to. But if you're feeling in a rut and you whine constantly about all the stuff you need to do, think about what you truly want, not just what you feel you must do. Re-focus your priorities and you will usually figure out what you actually have the will to do. Maybe you should simply focus on getting enough rest and eating right, if you're feeling that stressed out. I've been there--no time for shower or shopping or washing baby's bottles, mama needs to eat a whole meal and go to SLEEP. If you prioritize, it will come. And by it, I mean will. Then things will change.

“Mediocrity is self-inflicted. Genius is self-bestowed.” Walter Russell

I Am A Stairway

Actually, I’m Jessica, to be perfectly literal. Well, to be perfectly literal, I am a homosapien, female, Caucasian, but I digress.

I am a lot of things and honestly I don’t know where to start. I feel like the first sentence or two you use to describe yourself says a lot about you, the most about you, really. And maybe that says a lot about me right there—I want to do things right and those things that I do right mean a lot to me. I’m passionate. I’m also motivated and I have a lot of ambitions. I want to blog and write a column for a living. Eh, make that, as a second job/hobby. What I actually want to do for a living is help the victims of child abuse and prevent new victims. I’m trying to volunteer more in my spare time (wherever that is) for helping those victims. If you love something, do it for free. Similarly, I’m writing this blog and I’m pursuing a few other avenues in regards to writing because I also love doing that, in any format.

Ah, my two big dreams. It’s not an end-goal fulfillment type thing. I should re-define my definition of a dream for you: it’s something I want to live out, continuously. Even as I’m writing this, I am living out that dream. My ongoing, every day desire is to be happy and content. Simple motto: if it makes you happier, do it; if it makes you less happy, don’t do it. Writing and volunteering make me happy. If I don't become a famous blogger or columnist and if I don't own my own child abuse prevention agency, I will still be happy by still being in those industries in some way or another. Another revelation: realizing that everything you do IS your choice, even if you feel that it wasn’t. I’m choosing to work my corporate job because I don’t want all my bills to go to collections, I don’t want my car repo’d, I don’t want my phone shut off! And then there’s my son, who I went two paragraphs without mentioning. I have the most beautiful, precious son. I love him with every piece of my heart, and even though my long-term plan was not to have a child, settle down, and raise a family, I still give him every part of me and want the very best for him because I did fall in love with him and I am going to raise him with love and care like he deserves. Back to my original point, I’m choosing to work a job that isn’t my career choice. I’m choosing to live with my dad, since I am a single mom with absolutely no help of any kind from the baby’s father. I do not define myself as a 23 year old single mom living with her dad. I define myself as a passionate, ambitious career-focused young woman who is dedicated to helping child abuse victims, getting her sociology masters degree, and writing whenever and whatever she can. Sounds better, yes?

I think people are full of excuses. I think people are lazy shits. I think people like to be complacent and/or miserable. I think people are all talk. I admire the stupid CEOs and dumbass executives I worked for, because they did something in their lives to get in that corporate office--made an investment, took a risk, sacrificed something important, spent a lot of time and money on an education and skills-training. And the little slumdog poor folk working for them are just mindless drones—unless you have a big idea or a big passion and realize that your job is just a stepping stone, you are going to get stuck working for the very man that you supposedly hate. That’s not my dream, to live out someone else's! It’s only temporary for me and others may curse those guys, and hell, I do, too, but at the same time I can admire them. We are lucky to live in a damn capitalist society, bad as it can be sometimes, where we actually have the freedom to build our own businesses and become entrepreneurs. As someone who has big goals, I can appreciate that. Funny how the people who work for successful business men will curse their boss, yet they fawn over guys like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

I think that my personal destination and my success it totally dependent on me. I have to make it happen, I have to make the effort, I have to take the next step. I don’t want to take the easy way out, take shortcuts, cheat, or do anything else that would not only belittle the value of what I’ve accomplished, but would cheapen the taste of victory. It’s like taking the escalator. Easy way out. I want the real thing. Anything worth having is worth working hard for. I want everything that I’ve dreamed of. I don’t use the word impossible. I really don’t. And I don’t quit or give up if something is too hard. If I want something, I will find a way to get it. If I “stop trying”, it’s because I just don’t like something or don't want it anymore! The beauty of success and of passion is that it’s pure, unadulterated energy and potential. And it really is all inside you. The key though is believing that and staying committed to what you want to achieve.

I believe it. And that’s why I’m taking the stairs.