I Am A Stairway

Actually, I’m Jessica, to be perfectly literal. Well, to be perfectly literal, I am a homosapien, female, Caucasian, but I digress.

I am a lot of things and honestly I don’t know where to start. I feel like the first sentence or two you use to describe yourself says a lot about you, the most about you, really. And maybe that says a lot about me right there—I want to do things right and those things that I do right mean a lot to me. I’m passionate. I’m also motivated and I have a lot of ambitions. I want to blog and write a column for a living. Eh, make that, as a second job/hobby. What I actually want to do for a living is help the victims of child abuse and prevent new victims. I’m trying to volunteer more in my spare time (wherever that is) for helping those victims. If you love something, do it for free. Similarly, I’m writing this blog and I’m pursuing a few other avenues in regards to writing because I also love doing that, in any format.

Ah, my two big dreams. It’s not an end-goal fulfillment type thing. I should re-define my definition of a dream for you: it’s something I want to live out, continuously. Even as I’m writing this, I am living out that dream. My ongoing, every day desire is to be happy and content. Simple motto: if it makes you happier, do it; if it makes you less happy, don’t do it. Writing and volunteering make me happy. If I don't become a famous blogger or columnist and if I don't own my own child abuse prevention agency, I will still be happy by still being in those industries in some way or another. Another revelation: realizing that everything you do IS your choice, even if you feel that it wasn’t. I’m choosing to work my corporate job because I don’t want all my bills to go to collections, I don’t want my car repo’d, I don’t want my phone shut off! And then there’s my son, who I went two paragraphs without mentioning. I have the most beautiful, precious son. I love him with every piece of my heart, and even though my long-term plan was not to have a child, settle down, and raise a family, I still give him every part of me and want the very best for him because I did fall in love with him and I am going to raise him with love and care like he deserves. Back to my original point, I’m choosing to work a job that isn’t my career choice. I’m choosing to live with my dad, since I am a single mom with absolutely no help of any kind from the baby’s father. I do not define myself as a 23 year old single mom living with her dad. I define myself as a passionate, ambitious career-focused young woman who is dedicated to helping child abuse victims, getting her sociology masters degree, and writing whenever and whatever she can. Sounds better, yes?

I think people are full of excuses. I think people are lazy shits. I think people like to be complacent and/or miserable. I think people are all talk. I admire the stupid CEOs and dumbass executives I worked for, because they did something in their lives to get in that corporate office--made an investment, took a risk, sacrificed something important, spent a lot of time and money on an education and skills-training. And the little slumdog poor folk working for them are just mindless drones—unless you have a big idea or a big passion and realize that your job is just a stepping stone, you are going to get stuck working for the very man that you supposedly hate. That’s not my dream, to live out someone else's! It’s only temporary for me and others may curse those guys, and hell, I do, too, but at the same time I can admire them. We are lucky to live in a damn capitalist society, bad as it can be sometimes, where we actually have the freedom to build our own businesses and become entrepreneurs. As someone who has big goals, I can appreciate that. Funny how the people who work for successful business men will curse their boss, yet they fawn over guys like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

I think that my personal destination and my success it totally dependent on me. I have to make it happen, I have to make the effort, I have to take the next step. I don’t want to take the easy way out, take shortcuts, cheat, or do anything else that would not only belittle the value of what I’ve accomplished, but would cheapen the taste of victory. It’s like taking the escalator. Easy way out. I want the real thing. Anything worth having is worth working hard for. I want everything that I’ve dreamed of. I don’t use the word impossible. I really don’t. And I don’t quit or give up if something is too hard. If I want something, I will find a way to get it. If I “stop trying”, it’s because I just don’t like something or don't want it anymore! The beauty of success and of passion is that it’s pure, unadulterated energy and potential. And it really is all inside you. The key though is believing that and staying committed to what you want to achieve.

I believe it. And that’s why I’m taking the stairs.