Not Every Woman

As Whitney once sang, "I'm Every Woman, It's All in Me". Women have their own opinions, beliefs and choices. They even have rights, apparently. The women's movement that caught fire in the 60s has evolved over the years from an eye-opening event to one of innovation and discovery to a place of acceptance and challenge. Now, it sort of blends into the background. Yeah, we have the choice, the legal rights, and the brains, but we don't use them. 50 years of liberation and women want to use their sexual prowess and feminine wiles to get ahead instead of sheer will and hard work, or worse--they lose sight of any hopes and dreams once they get married and/or knocked up. Yuck.

We could argue that women have barely even made progress--that we still make less money than men, that we still are over-represented in many fields (teacher, therapist, social worker, secretary, nurse) and under-represented in others (coaching jobs, construction, CEO), that there are still sexist undertones in the gender roles of movie and TVs, that Disney and Nickelodean are sending the wrong message to kids. But the real problem here is women themselves.

We don't respect ourselves enough as a collective womanhood. We do not make good choices for ourselves. We do not have self-confidence and we do not not have minds of our own.

Whether we did not have a daddy or did not have a mommy, growing up without the attention and acceptance of one of your parents is bound to screw up a female. It will make her insecure, constantly longing for the affections of a partner and her peers. It will make her want to hide behind makeup and glamorous clothing, try risky things, and generally act out for attention. Parents are extremely crucial to proper development of self-esteem and the psyche. Also, puberty and hormones have been proven to have the same effect. It's just biology, not sexism, that women are more insecure, more emotional, and have more psychological issues. I'll admit I'm guilty of it and that I've witnessed it; to deny otherwise is just foolish, not chauvinist.

These insecurities lead us women to behave like morons. Once we hit 18, we are all over the club scene. Mini-skirts, stilettos, plastered-on cake face. Getting drunk, having sex, smoking, driving recklessly, hanging with the wrong crowd. Our lives briefly mean nothing and we'll pass out anywhere, throw up on anyone, dance on anything, and kiss anybody. Living every weekend like you're part of Motley Crue is not the way to show that you're a confident, smart, ambitious and focused young woman. When you're insecure and seeking the validation of others and, really, yourself, you make poor choices, do stupid, regrettable things with so-called friends, and generally act much more moronic than you are capable of being. It's a waste of brain space to behave like this on a consistent basis. Come on, girls. We're better than this.

The supermodels in magazines, our own gorgeous, but catty peers, and critical bitches at work or in the media make us feel bad about ourselves. If you grew up with someone who always had a comment about your outfit or your hair, then you are twice as likely to feel bad about yourself. But don't push all the blame off on the world just yet. We need to realize, as a group of women, that we are responsible for our actions and our reactions. Someone may have put you down, but you don't have to stay there. Realizing our own self-worth and our own beauty, strengths, and capabilities should be our number one task for feeling good. Do you have beautiful eyes? Do you think you have killer hips? Do your legs have a fantastic shape? Is your smile great? Physically, we all have at least a few desirable traits. We all know that looks do matter and if you feel fat or just plain ugly, then you are going to be down on yourself all the time. However, you can take responsibility of those feelings by focusing on what you do love and how you can change what you don't like.

For instance, I complain about not being at my pre-baby weight. Well, I eat pizza and cake and don't exercise so why would I expect to be at my pre-baby weight? I am going to make a point to do the yoga DVDs in my room or start taking walks with my son. I also have a problem feeling self-conscious about my appearance. Simple solution: oil-control foundation, cheap eyeliner, and mascara. My wardrobe is looking worn-out and outdated, so I am buying a piece or two of apparel every few weeks. I'm taking the steps and taking action. It makes me feel so much better. Complacency and bitching do nothing to change your circumstance!

We women also need to understand how to develop our personalities and opinions. This goes beyond just developing the ability to talk at parties or giving your thoughts on the latest war or American Idol episode. It's about your hobbies, your passions, your goals. What do you want to be defined by? Who are you? What are you good at? Hanging out with friends and doing what they want because you want to be liked is absolutely and completely fine. But letting it become you is not. If you want a degree or you want to be a massage therapist, stay your ass in school. If you want to be a singer, work on your vocals and song-writing abilities. If you want to work at McDonalds for 24 years, then keep smoking pot and drinking every night and living with your mom. This generally goes for everyone, but girls really get caught up in peer-pressure and boyfriends and tend to follow the crowd, ending up wherever they land instead of where they truly want to go. My advice is to pick up a camera and become an amateur photographer; sign up for a blog on Blogger; become a mentor for younger kids; start getting arty with paint or pencil. Do anything and everything to stimulate your mind and your interests--and when you find something, don't let go.

Women lose sight of themselves, and not just in high school. They only want to find a man, settle down, and have kids. Their life's dream is to just get a husband or a baby. They have no thoughts, goals, or passions--their life is just one big unfulfilling crap bag until they have a man to give it meaning. Or a baby. They'd rather do diapers and Elmo and pureed meats than college, careers, or creativity. Which is fine--I'm not knocking a woman who wants to be a housewife. Not the idea in of itself. It's just the idea of a woman who gives up on herself because she shouldn't have to think anymore or be a real human being because she "has a man"...or a kid. Women lose themselves for men and babies, or worse, never develop in the first place. The result is a weak woman and personally, I don't want you representing my gender.

No brains, no thoughts, no personality. It's boring, offensive, and it pisses me off.

Final topic: I know I'm not like every woman. Maybe it's because I had a strong male role model, maybe it's because my grandmother was a stubborn, hard-headed lady and I got those genetics, or maybe it's because I was homeschooled and I'm a little, tiny bit off in the head. Whatever the reason, I'm not a barbie doll clone. I'm not dying for the affection and approval of anyone except myself (and I fail a lot). I can be self-conscious but I'm never insecure and I know exactly my passions, hopes, and dreams. I can fall in with my friends a lot and get lost in the excitement of the moment, but I always come back around to me and I make sure my personality shines regardless. I fell in love once and I'll never lose myself like that again. I don't even know if I want a compromise; I want a man that I can be the man of. Hey, if they can do it and admit it, why can't I? I want to be the Alpha dog! I'm also not changing my last name. At all. No hyphen, no nothing. Because that's my last name, my identity and to compromise half of that is losing the entire battle in my opinion. Why are women so excited to lose their identity and adopt another one? You don't see any man giving his last name up. They don't call that hard-headed, crazy, stupid, or whatever else (words I've been called for it). They call it tradition.

Traditions can kiss my ass. My name is Jessica and I'm the new woman.