How to Not Be An Idiot
- Speak and Write English CORRECTLY - This is the number one way to not be an idiot. Even seemingly smart people can look moronic by confusing "your" with "you're". Other popular offenses include incorrect use of "its" vs "it's", the baffling three-way puzzler of "there", "their" and "they're", saying that you "seen" something yesterday, when really, you "saw" it, and apostrophe misusage that is off the charts (no, I don't want 2 slice's of pizza; I want 2 slices...). If English is your first language, it seems to me that you should have a working knowledge of it past 7th grade.
- Stop Being Oblivious - Whether you're a pedestrian or a vehicilist, taking a mere second or two to scan an entire area prior to changing directions and cutting someone else off can do wonders. Now this may detract from changing the music on your radio/IPod, or from texting your hot man slice, or even thinking for a millisecond that the world doesn't revolve around you, but I promise it will just be a second. Realizing that others are around you before wildly pulling a cart out at the super market or before moseying out in front of 19 cars that are leaving the parking lot will make you seem much more decent and kind. And not an idiot.
- Traffic Etiquette - You most likely don't have enough room to pull out in front of me on the highway. I'm doing 50. You're doing zero. You suck at math. "Reasonable distance" has become far too subjective and if I have to put on my brakes to keep from rearending you, then it's not reasonable. Of course, you don't know that because once you pulled out, you don't so much as glance at your mirror to see me nearly careen into the back of your Lexus. But that's another reason I'm writing this--Public Service Announcement. Now you know that I'm not honking my horn to say hello. I'm honking to say that you're a dick.
- Know When to Stop - This may fall more under the category of "How to Not Be Annoying", but being annoying is often synonymous with being an idiot. If you've been told you possibly talk too much; if you constantly get shot down for dates because you're creepy; if you consistently bomb when you tell jokes; or you have been put in jail numerous times for the same offense, then you should probably stop. Stop all of that idiocy. Learn your biggest weakness, whether it's a minor faux pau or an actual crime, and put a cap on it. Really, being annoying is synonymous with being an idiot. My annoying habit? Writing lists about how much I hate stuff.
- Don't Talk Out of Your Butt - You probably don't realize it, but you don't know everything. Disputing every fact that anyone states or randomly giving out information you believe to be correct is not only annoying, but it's really stupid. Nobody likes that. Know-it-all is pretty much a fancy term for idiot. The worst part is that you always think you really are right. There is no arguing for the sake of arguing or simply sharing information. You actually believe with all your heart and mind that you are right about any and every topic. The reality is that people very adamantly disagree with you all the time and very often prove you wrong. For some reason though, you don't get the hint--and no one likes you. Unless you have an actual source to quote or something right in front of you, consider prefacing your stories with "I think..." or "I'm not entirely sure, but I believe" or "I may be wrong, but". You'll be more likable! And less of an idiot.
I am stopping at five entries for fear of seeming too negative and angry. A little bitter sarcasm never hurt anyone! Oh, sure it has, but no time for semantics. The blog entry is ending! Who says entry? I'm so unhip. Well, I hope this has been educational and fun. I know it has been writing it. Peace.